"How I Helped Prepare Mama for Motherhood" - Featuring Pepe the Cat

My Strategies:

1) Weave in and out of mom's legs when she's trying to walk from the refrigerator to the sink
2) Make the most disturbing yakking noises at 3 am and all hours of the night, whilst running around frantically trying to spit up a furball or other inedible item.
3) Pee on the bed in the middle of the night
4) Have an assortment of health issues that mom has to solve and do millions of hours of research on on the internet (chronic constipation, sick stomach, flea infestations that take over the whole house and self, etc.)
5) Have mom buy me an array of fancy toys because I am her only child - most of which end up hidden under the furniture which mom has to dig out later
6) Mess up the furniture and scratch up the floors

Eerily similar to her mothering Paul:
1) Circle around mom's legs when she's trying to walk from the refrigerator to the sink.
2) Wake up screaming at 3 am for no apparent reason. Then again, at 5 am, then again at 8 am.
3) Pee on the crib (and self) in the middle of the night. Even with 2 diapers on.
4) Have an assortment of health issues requiring research (why is his medication giving him chronic diarrhea, why is he now constipated, how do I help heal his many cuts, scrapes and bruises from being a super active toddler, what IS that rash that just won't go away???)
5) Have mom buy me an array of fancy toys because I am her only child - most of which end up hidden under the furniture which mom has to dig out later with a Swiffer.
6) Mess up the furniture with slobber, sippie cups, and other mysterious gunk, and scratch up the floors.

Aren't I just the best cat in the world for doing all this? Mom should thank me.

More another time...